Men aren’t exactly known for being forthcoming.
The stereotype of the stoic cowboy or the tough, quiet manly-man is true more often than not. Most men weren’t raised to express their feelings. They’re told to suck it up, keep it together, lock it down. While that might make them seem cool and strong to some, what is also means is this — your man has secrets. (He does.)
Your man probably has a vivid internal life he does not share with others. Not every man, of course, some men never stop talking about their inner selves. But it’s really, really common for men to be conditioned to keep emotions to themselves at an early age. It can be a small thing “That skirt makes you look like the librarian in Ghostbusters”) or a big thing (“I don’t want to die alone”).
Regardless, most men do have a running list of secrets they don’t want to admit to anyone, especially someone they’re falling in love with.
10 Common Things Men Hide From Women
1. He’s insecure about his body.
He is. Even if he looks like a cross between an Olympic athlete and a super model.
Your guy might not always pay attention to his personal hygiene, but he is still hyper-sensitive about every love handle, wrinkle, or graying hair on his body. He might wear the same hoodie every day, but he still worries about not being as pretty as he once was.
2. He doesn’t have anyone to talk to.
Male friendships are decidedly different than female friendships.
One of the biggest differences is men typically don’t use their friends as a sounding board for what’s going on in their lives. They might discuss vacation plans, TV shows, or how things are going at work, but way too often, men don’t feel comfortable talking with their buddies about life, death, anxiety, fear, and everything in between.
And that’s a shame. It’s a lonely shame. Keep his lack of opportunities for deep emotional discussions in mind the next time your man is struggling to discuss big issues with you. He doesn’t get a lot of practice.
3. He likes The Gilmore Girls.
He does. It’s smart, funny, well-acted.
But there’s way more of a social stigma of him being a Gilmore Guy than you being into Sons of Anarchy, so maybe that’s why he doesn’t always advertise that he’s on #TeamJess.
4. No one compliments him.
Men get a lot of validation in school and office settings, but there isn’t really a culture that supports men receiving casual compliments from their peers.
Are you mad that your man didn’t notice your new jeans? When was the last time you noticed his new shirt? Or the last time you told him he looked great when it wasn’t a special occasion?
Men need the same kind of validation women need — they’re just not good at asking for it.
5. He doesn’t know what he’s doing during sex.
He doesn’t. He’s making it up as he goes. And there’s some pressure because maintaining an erection isn’t always the easiest thing to do.
Even if the spirit is willing, the flesh can be weak, and that’s soul-crushingly embarrassing to have happen during the throes of passion. (He can’t help it.)
Plus it’s way harder to make you orgasm than it is to make him orgasm. Which, granted, sucks for you, but it adds to the pressure placed on his shoulders.
6. Sometimes he pees in a bottle.
He does. And occasionally in sinks. More often than you’d think.
He knows it’s gross … but it’s not totally gross and he’s pretty proud of how adaptive his peeing ability is.
7. He likes kids.
It can be hard to admit this because society is very weird about grown men and children.
When a dad takes his kids to the park, way too often, moms give him the suspicious stink-eye the whole time. And, if one of his kids’ friends falls down and skins their knee, he can’t hug and comfort the crying child without being hyper-aware of who’s watching and judging every word and action.
Yes, he knows more men abuse children than women, but it still feels awful to be perpetually presumed guilty when he’s just taking his niece to the playground.
8. He doesn’t know what you did with your hair.
Unless you do something drastic, there’s a better-than-average chance your man might not notice if you get highlights or chop off an inch here or there.
Not because he doesn’t pay attention to you. It’s because men have boring hair. The vast majority of men do not have anything interesting going on up there.
Realize your man probably doesn’t even have the verbal or visual vocabulary to recognize what your hairdresser did today. He’s not being apathetic. And he knows it’s not at all romantic that he has no clue. He just doesn’t know what to look for, so cut him some slack.
9. It hurts when you hit him.
Remember when you got pissed at your boyfriend/husband and angrily slapped him? Or punched him in the back a few times? It hurt. It even left a mark.
But men aren’t supposed to admit that. Your man finds it particularly worrisome because he knows if he did the same thing back to you, he’d probably be in the back of a cop car right now. (Rightly so.)
Yes, men are bigger, but it doesn’t mean the same rules don’t apply when it comes to angry physical contact.
Abuse is abuse. Don’t hit him.
10. He’s afraid.
He’s afraid of losing his job, getting sick, going crazy, dying alone.
He has all of the same anxieties and fears you do (and a few that are uniquely his own). But he doesn’t know how to deal with them.
He doesn’t have friends to talk his fears over with, his parents might’ve stigmatized getting help with his issues, and he doesn’t want to look weak in front of his girlfriend/wife/special friend.
So, even if your man talks a big game, realize he’s as scared and human as the rest of us. He might never admit it, but, if you really know him, you’ll be able to see it behind his eyes without him ever having to say a word.
And, if you can be there to hold his hand during those long, lonely nights, without him having to ask, he’ll be more grateful than you can ever imagine.
Tom Burns is a husband, a dad, and a veteran of the educational publishing industry, living just outside of Detroit Rock City. After years of obsessing about what his daughter was reading, he founded Building-a-Library, a website devoted to helping parents find the right books for their kids.
