Most people believe sociopaths are just mass murderers in our society, but that is not the truth.
Chances are you will cross paths or have already engaged in a relationship with one.
Charmer. Con artist. Chameleon. Master Manipulator. Those are just a few names by which you may have come to know a sociopath, a single individual that experiences little to no conscious guilt, empathy, shame, or remorse, and has an ongoing pattern of disregard for the rights and concerns of others.
If you find yourself dating a sociopath, you will know by the violations you are sustaining to your sentiments, physical being, sexual integrity, and/or finances. You will know the signs of a sociopath. The following guidelines will help you deal with the sociopath, as well as other types of toxic and abusive personalities.
Here are 13 rules for dealing with a sociopath:
1. Accept that some people truly have no conscience.
If you have been in denial, it’s time to recognize that you are being violated and stop making excuses or accepting excuses for consistently bad behaviors.
2. Go with your instincts or intuition versus the implied role he has taken on.
Sociopaths are excellent communicators. Don’t believe him.
3. Give them three strikes.
If it’s the first offense, look at the claims, responsibilities, and promises made or implied and address any inconsistencies. Do not sweep them under the rug. Was it a simple mistake or recklessness?
On the second offense when they neglect their responsibility, ask yourself if you are placing yourself at physical, emotional, or financial risk. What is your personal cost to staying in this relationship? By the third strike, cut your losses.
4. Be suspicious.
Some of them don’t want you to question them and do question authority.
5. Don’t confuse fear with respect.
Know what R-E-S-P-E-C-T means to you and teach others how you want to be treated. Abusive individuals are not very teachable.
6. Do not join the game.
Don’t try to redeem them. Don’t try to get even. It only prolongs involvement and delays your recovery.
7. Avoid and refuse any contact.
Don’t communicate with the abuser. Change jobs and residence if necessary.
8. Do not live in isolation.
Sociopaths seek those who are isolated, insecure, and vulnerable. Be part of a caring community.
9. Enlist support.
From family and friends, an attorney, a therapist, and/or the police. Join a support group.
10. Document, document, document.
Keep a written record of all the interactions with the sociopath for future reference. You will need it.
11. Recognize the “pity play.”
This is his weapon of choice to hook into your sentiments and compassion, enabling him to get away with murder. Genuine remorse or repentance is introspective; the individual wants to pay restitution and is willing to be held accountable.
Don’t be so quick to give your time, money, home, car, or care. Make sure he isn’t putting you through a cycle of abuse, which includes a period of romance and good behavior before they act out again.
12. Never agree to help him conceal his true character.
He will tell you not to tell anyone but don’t keep his secrets.
13. Share your experience.
It can help others not fall victim and can help you find purpose. If you or a loved one is dating a sociopath or a toxic individual, you have experienced the signs of a sociopath, which include a loss of trust and a loss of sense of security.
Working with a professional will expedite healing and recovery. It will help you to release the negative emotions lodged by this traumatic encounter and help you to embrace joy, peace, trust, and intimacy. Take back your life and well-being and know that living well is the best revenge.
Some of these guidelines are based on the work of Martha Stout, Ph.D., The Sociopath Next Door.
Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Coaching and Counseling supports singles and couples breaking through fears and limitations to create safe and intimate marriages and relationships.
