Getting over someone is never easy. For many of us, the breaking up itself might not be the hardest part to do — it’s learning how to get over someone you once were so in love with.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the dumper or the dumpee; for the most part, when you call it quits with someone you’re going to find yourself mourning the past, mourning their presence in your life, and desperately wondering when you can expect this latest heartache to dwindle down, at least enough so that you can conceive of a time in your life when you might actually be able to move on.
This problem isn’t specific to any gender. Women have a hard time getting over men, women have a hard time getting over women, men have a hard time getting over men, men have a hard time getting over women, and roughly eight billion other combinations that are not mentioned here.
As women, we know what the female experience of getting over someone looks like: we get a bad haircut, we drink too much, we cry a lot and watch movies, we go out, we stay in, we let time pass in the hopes that it will heal us.
But what does the getting over someone process look like if you aren’t a woman? Is getting over someone the same when you’re a man getting over a woman?
With that in mind, I asked some anonymous men to share with me what they do when they break up with someone special and need to get over them. Their answers were honest, eye-opening, and they’ll definitely make you feel a little less alone.
Here 15 men reveal what they secretly do to get over someone:
1. Sever all contact
“First thing is to sever all contact: no texts, no phone, NO FACEBOOK, no Twitter, nothing. Change your number if you have to.”
2. Allow yourself to feel angry
“Allow yourself to be angry. Be hurt. Don’t feel obligated to be emotionless to be ‘mature.’ She’s rejected you in favor of someone else. That hurts. Let it.”
3. Learn something new
“Give yourself a time out from dating and take up something new — a foreign language, the gym, night course, whatever. We’ve all been there before.”
4. Soak up the sun
“Go sit in the sun. If there is no sun, go buy those full-spectrum light bulbs and sit under those light bulbs. I’m told there is a true physiological response human bodies have to sunlight.
5. Fake it
“It is abundantly clear that biochemistry affects behavior (i.e. When you get mood-altering drugs). What is becoming clear is that behavior alters your biochemistry. So if you are depressed, smile even if you don’t feel like it. The act of forcing yourself to smile will make you feel happier.”
6. Meditate
“Try to push your rampant thoughts out of your focus. Try sitting down in a quiet room and just think about nothing. If that’s hard for you, just monitor your breath. Notice how it just goes by itself. And your heart beats by itself. And that with all the goings on, these things about your body just go on.”
7. Rebound
“The best way to get over someone is to date someone else. Go on some dates, flirt a lot, have some long cuddly nights where you talk and cry with each other.”
8. Change your routine
“Make a big change to your routine. Eat breakfast at home instead of at work or school. Start going to the gym or for bike rides. Take up programming. Read mystery novels. Anything.”
9. Reorganize yourself
“Reorganizing, if possible, really help change the feel of your environment. When I broke up with my ex of 5 years, I reorganized my bedroom. All the memories in that bedroom were much harder to imagine once this happened, and it gave my mind something to focus on while I was doing it.”
10. Focus on the bad
“I like to focus on the bad times together and all the reasons we broke up. That makes it a lot easier when I’m feeling sad or missing her a lot.”
11. Exercise
“Anything I can do to get my body moving and my brain to turn off is what I turn to when I’m getting over someone. My last breakup led to me running a marathon!”
12. Memorize poetry
“This might be the weirdest response you get, but when I’m getting over someone, or just feeling hurt in general, I’ve been known to spend my time memorizing big poems. Something about putting my mind to work on a problem it can actually solve really helps.”
13. Go out more
“When I’m lonely after a breakup I make sure to go out with my friends all the time. Even if I don’t want to. Being social keeps me distracted and it also could help me meet someone new.”
14. Talk it out
“I’ve never been a man who believes in cutting out a woman from your life just because romance didn’t work out. It’s easier for me to process breakups if my former partner is willing to talk things out with me.”
15. There is no healing
“Wish I could help, but I honestly believe that I have never gotten over a breakup. They all hurt, they all take a bite of you, and they all make dating someone new seem like an impossible concept.”
