If you’re like a lot of women, there’s a good chance that you’ve wondered how to get an ex back.
Even when breakups are particularly devastating — or the guy is particularly a jerk — this is a common query. In fact, “How to get my ex-boyfriend back” could practically be written on cartons of ice cream and bottles of wine. Following a breakup, asking that question is normal.
Still, even though it’s normal, answering that question isn’t always easy.
But, luckily for you, there’s a cheat sheet.
Here are three magical hints to instantly get your ex back:
1. Change your ways
The first step in any type of reconciliation is change. Your ex-boyfriend broke up with you for a reason — maybe you were a Five Alarm Clinger or you spent way too many hours working at your law firm. Whatever the reason, you must figure it out and then make an effort to remedy it.
This won’t be easy and it probably won’t happen overnight, but if you take baby steps, keep keeping on, and do some other clichés, you’re likely to be successful.
Of course, you’re not the only one who will need to change. Your relationship’s failure was not yours alone to shoulder — it’s highly likely that your boyfriend can improve in a few areas as well. However, right now you should only concentrate on what and who you can change: yourself.
2. Show him what he’s missing
The next step to answering “how to get my ex-boyfriend back” involves showing him what he’s missing.
This concept really works if you and your ex are bound to run into each other — you work together or share the same social circle, for instance. Still, be sure not to turn chance meetings into anything but — if you show up everywhere he is, he’ll see right through the alleged fate of it all. This is particularly true if you “accidentally” run into him in places like his bedroom closet.
When you do run into him, be casual and cool. Don’t try to talk about your relationship or ask him if he’s dating anyone (and, if he’s with a woman, probably don’t refer to her as “That one Girl”). Instead, act like the wind: be breezy.
But, in between gusts, be sure to also be the best version of yourself. Be all the things that he fell in love with in the first place.
3: Let him know he can’t have you
The final step in the process of answering “how to get my ex-boyfriend back” involves a little good old-fashioned psychological warfare; in short, play a little hard to get.
Now, before you cast off hard to get as asinine and juvenile, comparing it to spreading a rumor about your ex having cooties, take a second to consider the basic elements of human nature. Plainly put, we are all programmed to want what we can’t have. In the event your ex-boyfriend believes he can’t have you, he’ll want you. Science, isn’t it great?
But, it’d be counterproductive if you did all this work to get him back and then refused to ever give him the time of day. Because of this, you can only play hard to get for a little while. Long enough to bait the hook and then successfully reel him in.
The Romance Code is a relationship coach who shows people how to navigate the ups and downs of love.
