It’s summertime and that means that it’s time for cookouts, beach trips, swimming, volleyball, parties on the patio, and much more.
For some singles, it also means that it’s the perfect time for a hot and heavy summer fling.
But the heat of summer can easily come with the heat of a lasting romance that you never really expected.
You might find yourself hooking up with some good-looking man or a beautiful woman and initially, you intend on keeping things light and commitment-free.
Then you and this new person in your life end up going out, start really liking each other, and you continue to spend more and more time together.
At a certain point, you start to wonder, “Are we just having fun, or is this turning into something more?”
Summer flings can end up unexpectedly complicated
The tricky (and exciting) thing about a summer fling is that you might not be sure what exactly ‘it’ is, and you may or may not even be clear about how you feel about your newfound suitor.
You and your special someone may have said that neither of you was looking for a serious relationship. Maybe you met while on vacation so you’re not even from the same city, so getting into a real relationship doesn’t even seem possible.
As casual as you’ve been about this “thing” you’ve got going on, somewhere in the back of your mind, you keep asking yourself if you two are unintentionally becoming a couple. Even though summer has just begun, you may already be feeling wistful when you think about never seeing this person again.
Deep down, you might even hope that it turns out to be much more than a fly-by-night romance.
Having made no commitments, you might be seriously confused by your own feelings and by the other person’s behavior, too.
The last thing you want to do is bring up the uncomfortable topic of “What happens when summer ends?” You both agreed this was just a fling, after all. At the same time, you don’t want to let a potentially ‘perfect-for-you’ partner just slip away. What if he or she actually wants more, too?
Look for these five crucial signs to tell if this fling is most likely something more:
1. Being together feels comfortable.
Every relationship is different. None of these signs is a 100% certain indicator that a long-term relationship is what’s developing. In fact, nobody knows for sure whether or not a relationship of any length will last for a summer, a year, ten years, or more.
But, if you feel comfortable around the other person, it could mean that there’s a longer-lasting relationship ahead. Does going out together fall into place easily? Do you feel like you can really be you and “let it all hang out” when you’re together?
There’s usually a certain awkwardness when you’re just getting to know someone. There is a point, however, when the bumbling stops and you realize you are completely at ease around one another.
2. You truly like and enjoy each other.
While some couples thrive on teasing or passionately arguing, beneath all of the verbal sparring is genuine mutual enjoyment in those relationships that last. The thrill of lust is delicious, but when you genuinely like the person you’re spending time with, it’s a sign that there could be more developing. It’s not always a given that two people having a fling actually like each other. Pay attention to how you feel and let that clue you in.
3. There’s a closeness even if you aren’t “serious.”
Countless couples in long-term relationships report how close they felt almost immediately. They remember a certain ease and instant rapport. Even if this is the first time you’ve met, a familiarity is apparent, and you both feel it. Notice if there’s a certain intimacy that you haven’t necessarily encountered with others you’ve hung out with or dated.
4. Actions speak loudly.
It’s the little gestures and actions that speak far more loudly than words. If your fling partner puts in the extra effort to be thoughtful, caring, and romantic, it might be a sign that an ‘official’ relationship is in the making. If you realize that you remember the other person’s favorite dessert or drink, or you go to extra trouble to make sure his or her evening is fun (and you don’t have to), this might mean that you are in this for more than just a fling.
Look at how you both act toward one another, and this will help you know.
5. You can see a future together.
Despite your agreement that this ends when summer does, you daydream about a future with this person without meaning to.
Your fling partner may have slipped up and mentioned going to some future event together, like attending a concert. Whether it’s a vision of the far-off or the nearer future, if you two talk (or think) about spending it together, this is definitely a sign that this is more than a fling.
We encourage you to keep communicating honestly and openly about what you want without coming on too strong. Even if you started out agreeing to just have a fling, if at some point you know that you really want more, find a way to check in with the other person.
You don’t have to declare, “You’re my soulmate!” and risk scaring him or her off. But be honest about how much you’re enjoying spending time together and ask your summer love to commit to more than just a fling.
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the relationship they desire.
