Have you ever been so nervous about a first date that you wrote out a list (beforehand) of possible first-date conversation topics? Did you go one step further and memorize those topics, and do some research for interesting anecdotes about those topics?
First dates can be awkward and uncomfortable, and it may seem as if you and your date aren’t clicking at all.
Let’s face it: dating can be painful, but rehearsing a date doesn’t make it better — it makes it worse and forced.
Eric Barker, from the blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree, did research and found the best topics of conversation for first dates. But watch out — some of these topics go against everything you’ve been told about what you should talk about on a date.
Here are 5 things attractive women always do when they’re out with guys:
1. Talk about traveling, not movies
While Match.com says you should talk about movies on a first date, Richard Wiseman, author of Quirkology: How We Discover Big Truths in Small Things, did a study that showed that less than nine percent of couples who talked about movies wanted a second date, versus 18 percent of couples who talked about travel.
It makes sense that travel would be a better topic, as you can share your travel stories (both good and disastrous), and you can talk about the places you dream of going to. Travel is a topic that everybody can get excited about.
2. Keep the conversation balanced
When we talk together on a first date, the purpose is to discover more about the other person, if you’re compatible, and if you have things in common. You need to get a feel for the type of person your date is and if they’re someone you’d like to see again.
This is where the art of conversation comes in. You don’t want to be the only one talking, and you don’t want to just be listening (though that’s very important); you want to add to the conversation and keep it going.
3. Share personal and emotional information about yourself
When you share a secret, you’re helping to create a feeling of connection between yourself and your date. Arthur Aron, a psychologist at the State University of Stony Brook, and his team of researchers came up with a list of 36 questions that quicken the getting-to-know-you process.
Some of the questions include: “For what in life do you feel the most grateful?” “What is your most terrible memory?” and “What, if anything, is too serious to joke about?” In less than 60 minutes, asking and answering these questions can create a bond stronger than a lifelong friendship.
4. Instead of avoiding controversial topics, go for them
Behavioral economics expert, Dan Ariely, says, “We limited the type of discussions that online daters could engage in by eliminating their ability to ask anything they wanted, and giving them a preset list of questions and allowing them to only ask these questions.”
“The questions we chose had nothing to do with the weather and how many brothers and sisters they have. Instead, they asked questions that were interesting and personally revealing (Do you have any STDS? How do you feel about abortion? Have you ever broken someone’s heart?). Everyone, both the sender and the replier, was happier with the interaction.”
Of course, this advice goes completely against Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger’s advice: don’t talk about controversial subjects on the first date.
5. Pose this one question if you’re interested in a physical connection
OkCupid found that asking, “Do you like the taste of beer?” was the best indicator if someone will have sex on the first date. It doesn’t matter what their gender or orientation is; beer lovers are 60 percent more likely to have sex with someone they just met.
An even better idea is to have your first date conversation at Oktoberfest, that way you can see for yourself what your date’s stance on beer is.
Be open, be brave, and get out there and talk it up. You’ll discover that first-date conversations can actually be fun!
