Don’t get me wrong, ladies, I’m happily married. I love my husband and I have a beautiful family — I’m aware of my blessings. But. Oh yes, there’s a “but.” Every now and then, when I’m out with a single girlfriend or watching a romantic comedy, I fall prey to a few pangs.
Am I really never going to have that falling-in-love feeling ever again? Am I truly never going to get to flirt my way into a first date? Kiss a stranger? Catch an eye? But I’m so good at all those things!
Plus, I’ve been with the man who is now my husband for the better part of a decade so I totally missed out on all the new-fangled dating 2.0 hi-jinks. I’m nowhere near Cougar age yet, thank you very much, but even so, back the last time I was single, Facebook didn’t exist and online dating was for the merely desperate, or truly weird.
I don’t envy you single people trying to navigate the treacherous shoals of sexting and Facebook relationship status-changing (so many new ways to get F-ed with!), and I’m happy to use Craiglist for job searching and used furniture, but still.
I have my regrets. So — what are the things I feel like I’m most missing out on? From a few unrealized fantasies to some modern dating phenomena, here’s my (hopefully) never-to-be Bucket List.
Here are 5 things married women miss:
1. Online dating
Oh, the thrill of finding the perfect photo of myself, of scrolling through the endless possibilities of all those profiles! Yeah, yeah — you single people probably think online dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but it sounds like a smorgasbord of excitement to moi. Of course, maybe that’s just my e-mail addiction speaking.
2. Speed dating
What? 20 dates in one night? Heaven! My favorite part of dating and meeting new people was the flirting, the first few minutes of excitement when you feel that little click of possibility. Or don’t — in which case … ding! Time to move on to the next lucky guy. I wonder what my husband would say if I told him I needed to try speed dating — you know, for research.
3. The cop
Ooh — the ultimate liberal hippy girl fantasy. The authority, the badge, the big … gun. The other day on the subway a cutie pie in blue caught my eye and I felt that old frisson of excitement. Oh to go back in time and seduce one of NYPD’s finest. And no, a stripper in a cop uniform at some dreadful bachelorette party just won’t cut it.
4. The younger man
I’ve never dated a younger guy. In fact, I think the only boy I ever dated who was the same age as me at the time was my junior prom date.
(My first corsage, my first kiss … sigh. Next!) I was never really a daddy’s girl, so …I guess you could say I made up for it in my own way (that college professor never had a chance. Neither did that particular married boss of mine, or that handsome businessman during my post-college year abroad, or … oops I digress.).
But these days, it’s not the distinguished Harrison Ford types who catch my eye, it’s the nubile young lads who cross my path — from the hottie lifeguard at the town pool to the Zac Efron look-a-like at my local deli. Why yes, sweetie, I will take that to go.
And finally, last but not least, my ultimate sacrifice on the sanctified altar of holy matrimony:
5. Jon Hamm
Sorry, John. It would have been beautiful. Maybe in the next life.
So there you have it. It’s not a bad deal, I know … in exchange for all those thrills I get to spend my life with a truly great guy, my husband.
Hmm: on second thought: I wonder how he’d look in a cop outfit?
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