Commercials and romantic comedies have made it very difficult to approach an attractive stranger outside of the confines of the internet.
That’s because in a commercial, if you approach a stranger, soon you will be splitting a piece of gum and necking in a cab. In a rom-com, this is how you meet your spouse.
Unfortunately, in life, these all play out a little bit differently.
Mainly, you get shot down; worst case scenario, you get maced. It can leave you feeling frozen when it comes to approaching women. Luckily, there are ways of determining whether or not a woman is down for you to clown.
Here are 7 signs you should definitely approach a woman:
1. She’s nude and beckoning to you
As a woman, I know that it can be hard for men to read the signs that women give them. That’s why when I really want a guy to know he’s good to approach, I pull this classic maneuver.
2. She has a neon sign pointing to her vagina
That’s a woman with intimacy on her mind. But ask yourself, how is she powering that sign?
3. Her friends are swarming you and singing “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid
Anyone with friends who take their role as wing-people seriously deserves to see their efforts rewarded by you rolling up on their sweet, sweet bestie.
4. She’s rolling on top of two cars in a suggestive fashion
CONGRATULATIONS! You have solved time travel AND stumbled upon a 1980s-era Tawny Kitaen.
5. You’re at a bar, and she’s alone and NOT reading a book
If a woman is alone at a bar with a book, she’s basically saying, “Guys, I was just tired of being at home, so I thought I’d get out of the house. Please leave me alone.”
If there’s no book, and she’s sitting scanning the room, be like, “Hi, how are you?” But take note: Just because a woman exists in a space by herself, that’s no guarantee that she will welcome you. Please do not kill her if she rejects you.
6. She’s tucking her hair behind her ear and screaming, “Oh god, don’t let me die alone!”
It’s a well-established fact that every time a woman tucks her hair behind her ear she’s acknowledging her all-encompassing fear of the vast maw of eternity.
7. You make eye contact and she smiles
Congratulations! The woman you would like to approach does not think you are a serial killer. Now go and prove her right. Unless you are a serial killer, in which case, stop ruining it for everyone.
