Finding a person to live out your days with can be a beautiful thing. But as time goes on and we connect with each other on a deeper level, our attachments can by toxic and dysfunctional or healthy and uplifting. So, it’s important that we choose a mate whose attachment style is compatible with our own.
There are four attachment styles: secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. They are formed in childhood and grow stronger as we progress through life, eventually effecting how you see and respond to your partner. People with a secure attachment style tend to have the best relationships.
TikToker, “Therapist Jeff” shared seven characteristics that let you know when a couple is securely attached. His list was inspired by renowned relationship expert, Dr. Sue Johnson, author of The Attachment Theory. Dr. Johnson has spent years reseaching the science of attachments and bonding in close relationships.
7 beautiful traits of securely attached couples:
1. Accessibility
Couples who have a secure attachment style are “totally there for each other”, according to Jeff. They are open, receptive, and responsive to each other’s needs and willing to lend an ear or allow their partner to cry on their shoulder when they need to.
2. Responsiveness
“They’ve got each other’s backs, empathizing with and validating each other’s emotions,” Jeff told viewers. These couples comfort and support one another during tough times, giving each other they strength they need to overcome the challenges that come up.
3. Emotional Engagement
Engaging emotionally means that these partners are comfortable expressing their emotions openly and honestly. They are able to be transparent because they don’t fear their mate’s reaction. The ability to share their emotions build a deeper connection.
4. Effective Communication
Jeff explains that couples with a secure attachment are “pros at talking about and resolving conflicts in a positive way”. He says that they don’t create drama and express their feelings, needs, and desires freely because they are not worried about rejection or criticism.
5. Trust
Without trust, there is nowhere for a relationship to go. Jeff says that securely attached couples know that they can rely on each other emotionally and physically. “They know they’ve got a rock-solid support system in their relationship,” he explains.
6. Safety
Safety is another important factor in the relationships between people with a secure attachment style. “These couples feel safe and secure in their relationships, knowing they share a strong, stable bond that can weather any storm,” the therapist clarified.
7. Flexibility
The ability to adapt to unforeseen changes and tackle problems as a team is key to developing a secure attachment between couples. They are flexible and can adjust to the highs and lows of life while staying closely connected and working together.
You and your partner’s attachment styles can make or break the relationship.
When couples have negative attachment styles, they can kill the relationship. A partner with an anxious attachment style might have low self-esteem, be hyper-focused on their partner, be filled with anxiety when they are away from each other, fear abandonment, and be so needy that it pushes their mate away.
In order for two people to attach to one another in a way that makes each of them feel secure in the relationship, they must each be secure in their own rights. Each partner must be healed from past relationship traumas that may have scarred them. They must be whole, healthy, healed, and ready to experience the best that the relationship has to offer.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationshipS, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.
