One of the greatest things about my life is how many of my exes truly care about me as a friend.
My two oldest exes from the New York City rave scene still visit my husband and me. In fact, we just helped one of them as he moved out of his house. The other ex was a groomsman at our wedding.
My husband is not that much different. He still speaks to his former fling, and we’ve hung out quite a bit. He also occasionally chats with his ex prior to me. It’s great to see that kind of support.
Part of the reason why we still hang around involves the fact that we all work in the same industries — or because we literally grew up together. But, there’s another reason why we still have these people around us.
That reason? We both tend to click with people who have certain traits as both friends and partners. Those traits lend to less ghosting, and yes, better loyalty too.
Here’s a list of qualities I’ve noticed that tend to denote a person who will be likely to stick around for years to come.
Here are 7 indicators of a loyal partner who will stick around:
1. Most of their friendships last for years and years
For me, one of the biggest red flags I see in a person is not having friends from years back. This is usually a sign of a flaky person or a person who managed to piss off a lot of people.
On the other hand, if you notice that their friends are from five to 10 years back or more, that’s a good sign. It takes a lot of work to actually keep friendships that long these days.
A person who invests that much in friendships and personal ties is the type who will be very invested in their partner. They won’t suddenly bail on you unless something really messed up happens.
2. They’ve already been there for you during good times and bad times
It is oh, so easy to be a supportive partner when things are going well. When you’re all partying in a limo and toasting success. It’s so easy to want to be with a person when they have a million-dollar mansion.
It’s not so easy when you just got laid off, when you’ve gained weight, or when you faced a major social embarrassment. That’s when most people will start to bail.
A person who wants to keep you around will be there during the good times and the bad. If your partner already did that, it’s a great sign.
3. The person in question is assertive enough to admit when they aren’t happy — and has been able to raise concerns with you in the past
The biggest factor I’ve seen with people who suddenly ghost others is their inability to talk things out. A person who will ghost you will often smile until they vanish, never really telling you what’s going on in their mind.
The reason why they do this is obvious: ghosting is a conflict-avoidant behavior. These are people who are terrified of confrontation or getting blowback from other people. So, they won’t speak up.
Ghosting is their way of controlling the narrative and keeping their reputation intact. They also (hopefully incorrectly) feel like they are leaving the door open if they decide to change their mind.
Take a look at the way your partner behaves. Do they act like a doormat? Does it almost seem like they’re afraid to confront you on things, or have you noticed them dance around subjects with others?
If you’ve seen them be straight shooters with others or have seen them break off friendships with a curt explanation, they’re a keeper. This is a person who will always let you know where you stand. That’s priceless these days.
4. They have chosen you, even when it was inconvenient to do so
Did you have a moment when your partner had to choose between staying with you and pursuing something important to them? Perhaps it’s a matter of being with a disapproving family or a matter of reputation in certain scenes.
Take a look at how they react to other people’s pressure to break up with you, hide your relationship, or prioritize others over you. Does your partner defend you and ask others to be kind to you?
A person who is willing to stand up for you is a person who is invested in a relationship with you. A person who scuttles you does not care if you leave — and that’s their loss, not yours.
5. You’ve become part of their circle of friends
A person who doesn’t want to get you involved in their life will not introduce you to the people they care about. They know they want to drop you, so they won’t want to cause the split to be more involved than it has to be.
If they want to keep you in their lives, they will make an effort to make you part of their social life. This includes things like introducing you to family members, inviting you to events with friends, and even taking you to mixers.
Ask yourself how many people your partner introduced you to. If it’s a lot, they are definitely into you for the long run.
6. They tell you (and show you) that they want to commit
I’ll be honest with you. Most people, both men and women, view commitment as a huge risk. They’re risk-averse, too. The topic of commitment might as well be a swearword or taboo in some circles.
It’s common to hear people dangling a relationship or wedding ring like a carrot on a stick. It’s also common to see people change the topic when commitment’s being discussed.
It’s rare to see someone straight-up tell you they are looking to marry. It’s even rarer to see someone give you a wedding ring and start planning for a wedding. If they put a ring on it, it’s clear they intend to keep you around for quite some time.
7. You know this person as a no-BS individual
I swear, we live in an age of BS. It feels like everyone tries to BS their way to a better lot in life, to avoid hurt feelings, or to try to avoid issues in life.
A person who does what they say they will do, says what they mean to say, and doesn’t mince words is a person you can typically trust. If a person like that tells you they want you around, they mean it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.
