Consent isn’t just valid for sexual encounters. It should be a general rule of life.
If he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want you bothering him, anything you do that continues contact ignores consent. It can even be considered harassment.
It’s unwanted, so why are you doing it?
Relationships can bring out the best or worst in us.
If you’ve ever encountered one that brought out your absolute worst, you might look back on it in shame and embarrassment at how you acted when you were emotionally dysregulated and triggered.
Most people probably aren’t engaging in contact to intentionally annoy someone, but you can become your own worst enemy when you get caught up in emotion and refuse to heed the signs.
There are reasons he wants you to leave him alone. They’re his reasons, and you aren’t entitled to them.
But there are signs that this is what he wants — and things you should do if you understand and value consent.
Here are 7 undeniable signs he wants you to leave him alone:
1. He ghosts you
Someone who ghosts you — disappearing from your life entirely — is clearly letting you know that they want to be left alone.
Unfortunately, the ghosted person is often left with unresolved issues and an emotional crisis.
You might think that the other person owes you an explanation. While that would be nice, you’re not entitled to it. Nor are you likely to get it.
Take ghosting for what it is: an unkind way to go about letting you know that you are no longer wanted in their life. Respect what it means even if you don’t respect how it was communicated. Leave him alone.
2. He blocks you
Ghosting might include blocking, and it might not. He can ghost you and never block you, just block you, or do both.
Blocking is also a clear sign he wants you to leave him alone. He hasn’t just unfriended you or unfollowed you. He’s blocked you from participating in his social media or being able to call and text him.
This might make you even more eager to get in touch to find out what’s going on and why he did what he did. But remember that blocking is a message.
The message is simple: No. It’s a complete sentence. Are you listening?
3. He doesn’t respond to your messages
He might not block you, but if he stops responding to your messages, take it as the answer it is.
He doesn’t want to talk to you. Instead of double or triple texting him, leave it alone. Leave him alone. He doesn’t want to chat.
You might think it’s harmless to follow up, but it can become intrusive when you keep messaging when he’s not responding.
He may have moved on, lost interest, or simply doesn’t want you in his life. You don’t need to know why. You need to respect his nonresponse as the response it actually is and leave him alone.
4. He tells friends you’re bothering him
Guess what? If he tells friends you’re bothering him, you are.
You don’t need to get defensive. Take it as the obvious boundary that it is. He wants to be left alone. You don’t have to like it to respect his wishes.
Your friends might be trying to let you know that it’s not okay. They might be pointing it out so that you don’t think he’s into you when he’s just been trying to be polite.
Cut your losses, and take this as a sign he wants you to leave him alone.
5. He avoids you in public
Someone who avoids you in public doesn’t want to stop and chat. They want you to leave them alone.
If he acts like he doesn’t know you around other people, pack up your dignity and leave him doing whatever it is he’s doing.
You don’t have to understand it. You do need to honor it and go.
If you try to contact him while he’s avoiding you in person, this is harassment. It might even qualify as stalking.
Leave him alone if he’s intentionally trying to avoid you. This isn’t the time for a confrontation. This is the time for respecting boundaries and moving on.
6. He doesn’t engage with your comments online
You can keep commenting on his social media all you want, but if he ignores your comments or only ever responds with a very general acknowledgment, take this as a clear warning sign that he wants you to leave him alone and stop bothering him.
If he never responds to you but responds to others, you might be making him uncomfortable. Understand that if your communication is unwelcome, you need to stop.
7. He says it outright
He might even tell you outright that he doesn’t want to talk to you, see you or have a relationship with you.
If he tells you to leave him alone, do it.
It might hurt. You might not understand it. You might even feel rejected. But he gets to say who he wants in his life. If you didn’t make the cut, feel your feelings, grieve them, and let it go.
Stop bothering the man. He doesn’t want to keep rehashing it. He just wants to live his life, and he doesn’t want you in it.
It might hurt, but he has the right to say it, and you need to have enough self-respect to listen.
If he wants you to leave him alone and you’re struggling with it, there are other things you can do that don’t include continuing to bother him. Respect consent.
Here are 9 things to do when he wants to be left alone:
1. Go to therapy
A good therapist can help you work out why you’re struggling to let this go.
2. Work on boundaries
Work on developing strong boundaries of your own and respecting other people’s boundaries.
3. Block him first
If you know you’ll continue to be tempted to reach out, block him everywhere. This will help you respect his boundaries and create a boundary of your own.
4. Journal it
You might have unresolved feelings. Write them down, and keep them only for yourself.
Don’t send them out. Just get them down on paper so you feel you’ve expressed what you needed to say without violating his personal boundaries.
5. Challenge yourself to stop asking friends about him
You’re going to need to go cold turkey and stop contacting him or asking friends about him. You have to let it go. Practice today.
6. Meet your needs
There’s a reason you can’t let it go. There’s a need that you’re trying to have met. He can’t meet it for you.
Figure out what need you’re trying to meet with this contact and find a way to meet it for yourself.
7. Finish grieving
Some relationship losses hit us harder than others. Finish feeling it. Grieve it.
You won’t be able to let if you haven’t finished processing your grief. It might take a long time, but you deserve to get to the other side of grief and feel good again.
8. Consider your patterns
Do you have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable humans? Do you tend to date a particular type or have all your relationships end in the same unhealthy ways?
It might be time to consider your patterns and break the cycle.
9. Learn more about consent
You are not entitled to an explanation from anyone. You are not entitled to someone’s loyalty, presence, or anything else.
If you feel entitled to have them in your life, please do your due diligence and research consent.
You’ve left him alone — Now what?
There are people we never want to leave our lives. It hurts. We miss them. But when we finally respect their wishes and let them go, our lives can begin anew.
You might think you can’t let them go. Trust me: You can.
It’s not easy. But once you’ve done it, you’ll find that it’s as if you were carrying something heavy and finally got to put it down.
They stop haunting you. You stop reliving your story with them over and over again, torturing yourself with what was or what might have been. You’re free.
Once you’ve left him alone, you make room for someone new to enter your life.
New friends. New lovers. New opportunities. You free up your time and emotional resources, and now you can spend it on something that feels valuable and worthwhile to you.
Will you have moments when your mind saunters off in their direction? Moments where you wonder where they are or what they’re doing? Moments when you want to reach out even when you know it’s not the right thing to do?
Of course! But, you’ll manage your emotions and understand the difference between wanting to do something and actually doing it. You’ll have the wisdom to remind yourself that even if you reached out, it wouldn’t make you feel better. It might even make you feel worse.
You’ll live your life. One day, they might even become a fond memory instead of a bitter regret.
You might accept the place they held in your life while honoring the fact that they no longer occupy it.
You move forward. It might feel strange at first, but it becomes the new normal.
You might even realize that they freed you to live your best life now that you aren’t worrying about whether or not they choose to be in it.
Crystal Jackson is a former therapist and the author of the Heart of Madison series. Her work has been featured on Medium, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, The Good Men Project, Elephant Journal, and Mamamia.
This article was originally published at The Truly Charming. Reprinted with permission from the author.
