Figuring out how to get a guy to like you is something that I, for one, have spent way too much time thinking about, and I’m sure I am not alone here. Who among us hasn’t stepped out of her comfort zone at least once in an effort to gain an attractive man’s interest?
The most painful example of this in my own life was when I decided to study to become a mime after meeting a hot mime at a house party. Before you ask — yes, he was the tall, dark, and particularly silent type.
Throughout the years as men and women meet, date, and mate, we’re often told that the key to finding lasting love is to simply be ourselves. We all have our own deal breakers, and if something about you falls into the category of a non-starter for them, you may as well know it from the start.
That’s all well and good until your bookish, prefers-to-stay-at-home self meets a guy who loves skydiving and isn’t happy unless he’s surrounded by roughly eighty-five of his friends, neighbors, and family at all times.
Because when you first meet a guy and you hit it off, your hormonal chemistry gets all out of whack, and sometimes your heart just can’t help but send a red alert to your cerebral cortex demanding you immediately employ each and every get-a-guy-to-like-you technique you’ve ever happened across all at once, even though you know that in the long run, the truth about who you really is certain to come out.
That’s what building a relationship is all about in the first place, right?
Personally, I am of the opinion that we all need to stop doing this. No one is fooling anyone and all of this activity takes up valuable brain space you could use to figure out whether or not you actually like the guy you’re currently so obsessed with convincing to like you.
You can’t control who will or will not like you. People like who they like and are attracted to whomever they are attracted to. It’s as simple as that.
If you don’t believe me, just check out some of the deal breakers men shared on Reddit when one man asked his fellow Redditors, “What are some deal breakers you never would have imagined until you encountered it?”
The gentleman’s full question went as follows:
“So, after the last few potential dating partners, I am seriously considering a no pets policy. One lady’s dog tried to attack me and when I said I needed it to be trained before I would consider it she ghosted me. The next woman flat-out said, “My dog’s wants will come before your needs. I love pets, I love dogs. Even when attacked I said trained, not gotten rid of. But being told that pets have child-like status has made me consider adding pets to children in the deal breaker column. So what are some of your deal breakers you would have never considered?”
No matter how wonderful and special you are, there will always be some men who won’t appreciate your special brand of sauce no matter what, not because your sauce isn’t amazing, but because, for whatever reason, it doesn’t blend smoothly with their own.
To share a sense of just how particular every situation is when you’re figuring out how to get a guy to like you, here’s a look at 21 super specific relationship and dating deal breakers men shared on Reddit.
Here is how to get a guy to like you — by not doing these 21 things:
1. Oversharing on social media
“Girls who post their entire lives to social media. My ex was/is constantly complaining about her life on Twitter, or posting every little thing about her relationships. When I was with her she’d post about the nice things I’d do for her, gives me subtle jabs when we were arguing, or asked me to pose for Snapchat stories. I gave in most times, but I really hated having MY relationship broadcast like it’s everyone’s business.”
2. Relentless jealousy
“Endless, baseless suspicion. She would constantly go through my phone, badger me to account for every minute of my time spent out of her sight, and remind me at least once a week that if I cheated she was out.”
3. Living with her head in the clouds
“I don’t care what kind of Frappuccino a woman drinks, but things like ‘live, laugh, love’ wall art and a constant stream of ‘relationship goals’ posts on social media typically indicate a lack of self-awareness and unreasonable expectations for life in general.”
4. A preoccupation with alcohol
“I’m most likely a minority in the group but I’ll say, any obsession with alcohol being projected. If you go to a bar or have a book club and drink wine, cool. Good for you. I get irritated when you see shirts, wall art, or phone cases that have stuff like ‘Eat, Sleep, Wine, Repeat’ or something similar.”
5. Trendy complaints
“Oh god, people who use the word ‘adulting’…”
6. Being basic
“I’ve been dating a girl recently who I really like, but she always says the basic line, ‘OMG, I can’t even,’ not only over text but also in person, and it’s really souring my opinion of her.”
7. Giving her number to other men
“Giving her number out to another guy when we were on a date. I just had no idea how to process what happened. Absolutely never could have imagined it.”
8. Being a loner
“I dated a girl whose only friend was her parrot. In retrospect that was a red flag. That along with locking herself in the bathroom and laying on the floor in the fetal position during an argument.”
9. Interrupting his video game play, especially in… odd ways
“Kind of weird but it definitely was a deal breaker. One of my exes while I was playing my PS3 came up sat on my lap and started urinating on me. When I asked in shock ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!’ she calmly responded ‘What? You weren’t paying me any attention.'”
10. Lacking intelligence
“She was just dumb. She was sweet, and pretty easygoing, but just not that intelligent and I finally realized while there wasn’t any specific thing wrong with our relationship, this just wasn’t what I wanted for the next 50 years.”
11. Being flakey
“I absolutely used to love the idea of cute, shy girls. But from my experience, they’ve been incredibly flakey and bail out on wanting a relationship or any sort of commitment. They always happen to talk about going far away and don’t know what they want. It’s such a turn-off.”
12. Being a horse chick
“Horses. I’ve always heard the stereotype about ‘crazy horse ladies,’ but it wasn’t until I dated one that I truly understood.”
13. Being a picky eater
“Being too picky on menu items. The last date kept going on about which item on the menu is good, then I’d agree, then she said, ‘But no, you should try something else. How about this?’ ‘Um. Okay.’ ‘Or this? But how about this?'”
14. Playing games
“Thinking playing games is cute. Listen, I’m 25 and don’t have time for you to randomly cancel then text me later saying we can hang, then text me at 3:00 a.m. too. I disappear if that happens.”
15. Feeling entitled
“My deal breaker is women who have a sense of entitlement. I had a girl recently who flipped out because I wanted to split the bill instead of paying the full price. I figured this was a good compromise since early on in the date the girl was BRAGGING about being independent and how ‘She doesn’t need a man.’ I asked her, ‘What happened to being independent and strong?’ She just shrugged and said, ‘I’m independent just not when it comes to dates.'”
16. Having been a full-time mom
“The ‘I was a stay-at-home mom that’s a career you just don’t get paid for’ women. It always comes from a woman whose daddy and then first husband was wealthy and she never had to earn or work for anything in her life. You’re 42, you’re kid is in college and the child support is gone. Grow up and support yourself. Never dated a woman like this but was pursued by a few.”
17. Being insecure and needy
“Complete lack of self-confidence, using that to shamelessly fish for compliments, and rejecting those compliments every time.”
18. Complaining for the sake of complaining
“Complaining about things that can be changed with some effort, and also showing a total unwillingness to do anything to change the things they complain about, even when presented with clear ways to fix it.”
19. Not being able to hold up a decent conversation
“The biggest deal breaker for me is if I can’t have an interesting/engaging conversation with them. Most of the human interaction is conversation. I thrive on mental stimulation in a relationship and if it’s too stagnant, I lose interest pretty quickly no matter how attractive the person is.”
20. Still being friends with an ex
“They are still actively hanging out with their ex. Immediately dropped contact with a girl once I heard.”
21. Getting a little too close to your pet
“I love dogs and animals but if you let the dog make out with you, nope. I see a lot of people doing this. Dogs lick their butts and sometimes eat their poop. Go figure.”
