As the honeymoon phase ends and reality sets in, we start noticing little annoyances and imperfections in our partners. We may question if we made the right choice and miss the excitement and thrill of the initial stages. This is normal and happens to many couples.
Once the initial passion and euphoria have subsided, we find ourselves asking if we made the right decision. There is no shortage of girlfriends or family members who can point out the flaws in our mates, and we often get negative feedback when sharing our feelings about our partners.
So how do get a realistic picture of your mate and see not just the flaws, but also great qualities and positive things that they bring to the relationship? How do we know if our love with be worth it, once that blissed-out phase is over?
Well, we need to look beyond what they do wrong or the lack of passion in our relationship. Looking at what they do right and all the little things they contribute to your life often go unnoticed.
Creating a checklist can help you find a more balanced view of our relationship and see where you land with your partner.
Eight signs that your relationship will survive after the honeymoon phase ends:
1. They are dependable.
Yes, I know, not so sexy, but when you don’t have a person that you can rely on, it suddenly becomes top of the list of importance and very sexy. We often take our significant others being there for granted, such as at significant events like weddings, celebrations, or even just a date night. Being able to lean on your partner and have them attend events that are important to you, really matters and shows commitment and respect for what you value, such as your friends (even if they don’t love them), or a boring work event.
Relying on your partner and recognizing all the times they showed up and were present for you in both good and bad times, is actually sexy as hell.
2. They nurture the relationship.
Yes, the little things such as a text in the morning telling you good morning, have a great day, or reminding you of what a great mother you are, are all signs of nurturing and caring about you and the relationship. Do they get the car ready for your road trips, or help you clean the house before entertaining, or get the yard ready for you? If so, this is a green flag.
Men in particular, don’t always say “I love you” or bring flowers, but they do it in more subtle ways such as getting the food ready for the family barbecue, or organizing the garage, so things are easily found when you are in a rush. You got a good one!
3. They value and respect you.
Do they say wonderful things to people at the work party or to family members? Maybe you don’t hear it, but your friends say you are so lucky to have such a loving partner in your life. They say such wonderful things about you, like how kind you are and how hard you work. Again, this is a good sign.
That is not always the case in a relationship and the lack value and respect may undermine your ability to focus on your goals and dreams in life.
4. They are committed to the relationship.
Yes, it’s annoying that they want to spend some much time with you or want you to attend boring events, like all their favorite concerts or their golfing social group, but it shows they want to be around you, and you are important enough to be included in what is important in their life.
5. They care about what you care about.
Even if it isn’t something that they necessarily like, they care because you do. You absolutely love your cat, and your partner will bring treats to your kitty, even if they don’t necessarily love cats.
Maybe your kids are at a particularly difficult time in their life— think teen years and only talking at decibels above 100. They try to connect, offer care and concern for your kids, even when you are unable to see your kids’ positive qualities.
6. They put you first.
Yes, I know, you believe that putting you first is obvious and a no-brainer. Well, not necessarily. Many times, partners can be so distracted by work, friends, other interests, that they don’t show up or make time for their partners. A partner who says, “You are my number one and I put you first”, is like getting a gold star on your paper.
You may take it for granted, but you have a partner who is distracted by everything else, and you need to scream or demand their attention or time, it can get old fast.
7. You don’t have to ask them twice.
What do I mean by that? They can read you well enough to know that you need extra support, or to just offer their assistance or time, even when you don’t want to ask for it. We as women, often feel we have to do it all and manage everything. But isn’t it wonderful, when your partner just shows up to help you manage a tough day, puts on your favorite Netflix show, or brings over some chocolate ice cream, because they just get that you are struggling?
8. Compromise and Understanding:
A keeper understands that compromise is essential in any relationship. They are willing to meet you halfway, respecting your needs and feelings while working together to find solutions. It’s not fun to be in a relationship with a ‘my way or the highway’ kind of partner. If you are in that type of relationship, take the highway.
No one is perfect and our mates may not always do these things all the time, but if they do these things often, you want to re-evaluate and reconsider before you kick your partner to the curb. Looking for the positive signs and making sure we balance the checks and minuses when evaluating our relationship is an important step to take before ending a relationship.
Monica Ramunda, MA, LPC is passionate about working with couples and helping them bring out the best in each other through counseling and couples retreats.
