I didn’t know my boyfriend had cheated on me until my mother accidentally blurted it out one day over dinner.
Obviously, I knew I had cheated — which I felt horrible about — I just didn’t realize he had returned the favor.
Weeks or months after our breakup, my mother and I were discussing my ex when she said the words that took me by surprise.
“You cheated. He cheated,” she told me.
She immediately turned red and covered her mouth with her hands.
“What? He cheated?” I’d had no idea.
The news of his betrayal felt like a physical assault.
I loved this man and trusted him completely. I never would have imagined he was capable of something so terrible.
The shock of finding out was overwhelming, and thoughts raced through my head. I was angry and hurt, and it took me a while to be able to process what had happened.
I wanted to know why he had been unfaithful to me, but I also realized that the truth didn’t really matter. What matters is that real relationships are built on trust and honesty, something my ex apparently lacked.
You may be wondering why I felt so unconcerned about my own infidelity yet bothered by my ex-boyfriend’s infidelity.
It’s a fair question. I had cheated on him because he refused to pay any attention to me. For years, the only affection he’d given me was a peck on the cheek a few times per year.
So, yes, in a moment of weakness, I’d cheated.
The reason I felt so upset at the thought that he’d done the same was that I’d considered him to be the problem. It was his decision not to kiss, not to hold hands, not to hug, not to cuddle.
I considered myself the victim of his cold demeanor. Thus, I considered my cheating to be justified.
In retrospect, I realize it was wrong.
As for me, I gave him everything he asked for and more. I bought him dinner. I paid his rent. I bought him clothes and shoes, DVDs, and mini football helmets.
All I wanted in return was to be loved, and he couldn’t even do that. Therefore, I considered his behavior to be unjustified.
People often expect relationships to be perfect, but that isn’t always the case.
I didn’t realize that my boyfriend had cheated on me until it was too late to do anything about it. It was a painful lesson, but one that ultimately made me stronger and wiser.
I felt betrayed, but it also made me realize how fragile relationships can be.
No relationship will ever be perfect, but with the right amount of communication and trust, it can be something beautiful and fulfilling. That’s the most important lesson I learned from the experience, and it’s one I’ll never forget.
However, to be honest, I wish I had never learned about my ex-boyfriend’s cheating. Ignorance is truly bliss.
Tracey Folly is a writer who has been contributing lifestyle and relationship content to the Internet since 2009.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.
